Standing on the precipice of chaos and change

In twelve hours I will be on a plane headed to China to meet our Peanut.  Over the past week countless people have asked how I am feeling.  Excited? Nervous? Anxious?  Ready? Scared?  My answer…yes.  I currently have all the feelings.

In some ways the second time around is easier.  We know what to expect.  We are familiar with the process.  And some ways it is much harder.  We know what to expect.  We know how truly hard adoption is.

I am a safe person.  I like the known.  I like to be in control.  Bringing Collins home is none of those things.  But she is worth it.

Life as we know it is about to be turned upside down.  Chaos and change are inevitable.

On Sunday I looked up and saw Quinn standing on the front of the boat trying to sum up the courage to jump.  In that moment she perfectly represented how I currently feel.  Peering over the edge trying to anticipate what it feels like on the other side.  Knowing there will be an initial shock, but the water will gradually feel warmer.  Butterflies in my stomach, fists clinched in anxiety.  But knowing that being brave is what I am called to be.

The time is here.  It’s time to jump.

Collins, we are coming for you!